Why Do They Act That Way? - Revised and Updated: A Survival Guide to the Adolescent Brain for You and Your Teen

Once I started noticing some changes in behavior of my 12-year old daughter, I decided to get educated a bit before a big frustration hits me. I downloaded the first chapter of some 15 books focusing on the teenage/adolescence issues (thanks to Kindle concept - one can download the first chapter for free to get an idea what the book is all about - the bonus is that you have the table of contents, so you can get the style and the structure of the book upfront. I also read all the reviews on Amazon and I hope my review will be helpful for someone.This particular book was the best of all - (1) well structured, (2) very informative, (3) with stories and lessons learned, (4) covering the whole array of sensitive/taboo topics sex, drugs, alcohol, etc., and (5) with the down-to-ground recommendations, which not only provide good guidance on what to do (engagement, communication, sincere conversations, corrective and peaceful punishment based on agreement/consequences, etc.), but also let you know what not to do (waking up teens very early in the morning, nagging, preaching, showing no interest in their lives and actually not spending some time with the kids, not forgetting about the challenges the teens face each day - puberty, changes in body shape, pimples.I have read the book during some two weeks (even though I could've done it in a few hours) while commuting to work and back. And that helped a lot, as it you conceive the concepts and ideas slowly, almost making them your own - this is what I would advise to anyone - read it a couple of chapters at a time.What can I say? This is the best book I've read on the topic. And when I see some helplessness in the eyes of the parents during the parent conferences, I advise to buy and read this book, and even one time I lent my Kindle to a friend to make him read the book. I'm originally from Ukraine where counseling in school has yet room for improvement and to help other parents I would just translate a designated chapter in Google translate online and even in that half-cooked version, parents were extremely happy to find some answers. Recently I moved to Austria and now my kids go to the Vienna International School. Excellent school, but the adolescence has nothing in common with good infrastructure. During the parents conferences there were some discussions about the alcohol, drugs, etc., and still I could see that no handouts or short presentations would give the full picture to the parents as all those issues like sex, alcohol, drugs, parties, anxiety, stress, puberty, etc., are very interrelated and one just cannot get the full picture based only on one topic. I realized it doesn't matter where you are, as a parent you are faced with the same problems especially given the globalization when iPhones, Internet and other fancy things are almost standard in every country; and the behavioral patterns are adopted from the movies and fashion movements.So I often recommend this book as the main eye-opening resource for the parents at any time, whether their kids are 8, 10, 12 or already 16, no matter which country they are in. As the author maintains the adolescence starts some time at puberty and ends who knows when (could be 20s and could be even 30s - it's my own observation). And our assignment is to learn the implications and consequences as parents, as there are more challenges and social and economic pressure in modern life then as we had some 25 yrs ago. And the trick is that while the variables grow (more exposure to TV, Internet, online communities, clubs, bank loans, easier payment systems - one click purchase, dealers of pills in school, more business trips for parents as the companies save costs on staff, etc.), the fixed things remain the same (24h day, some 4 hrs left during the working week for yourself and family, constant or even shrinking cash flow, etc.). And the parents need some help in solving the problems and addressing the challenges effectively, without creating the bottle necks in communication and further problems, exacerbating the situation - "I'm the boss and you have to obey". This concept can be conveyed in a modern way much more politely and with respect based on fair attitude and agreement. Otherwise, as my son puts it when justifying his negative response to his sister's request to get the garbage out: "I agreed with the request to clean, but after seeing the aspect of her face and hearing that intonation in her voice, I just couldn't help saying NO. And I bet you wouldn't either.":) Now all are aware of mutual respect and we try to maintain the spirit, especially when I quote some stories from the book (kids love to hear about someone else being wrong - they start brainstorming and providing recommendations, which helps themselves in the end).So, five stars at any time. If you look for a decent, structured and comprehensive insight into the adolescence issue, don't go further, this is it. Just read it from cover to cover (and certain chapters several times) and discuss it with your spouse. I ended up giving the book to my daughter when she started exaggerating and developed some anxiety (too big nose, bad skin, bad hair, etc.). I must say it helped a lot. She confessed that she read the book from cover to cover and understood what I was worrying about. She stopped doing some irrational things, though in some areas I had to give her some slack just to get bumps along the road and learn for herself (harmless things).I should also mention, that this book requires that you as a parent develop new skills and behavioral patters (discussions, get togethers outside of the house - very helpful as it puts you on equal footing outside your usual environment - i.e. no hard feeling who's the boss for instance in the restaurant or cafeteria rather than at home when kids feel defensive). It also requires some mental work to absorb the concepts, etc. If you have patience to read and get along with the the user manual of a new TV or any electronics gadget, you'll be just fine with this book, otherwise it might seem too complicated with some scientific explanations, which I liked BTW. So it helps if you read it chapter by chapter.Finally, I would summarize that if you want to be a responsible and loving parent, buy this book and learn it almost by heart - it would help you to parent with a proven concepts and guidelines that work. It gives you confidence because you know what can happen and actually what is being happening with your kid at a given moment. I.e. all kids get crazy at the "teen" age when you take them for a trip to another city, etc. because "it's much easier to watch TV at home, it's better to sleep longer, and then play with the friends outside, or just spend time alone with no parents". And knowing what happens before and after the trips, I always insist on joining the family and I try to arrange some entertainment along the way. I elucidate my kids what impressions they might have along the way - things to see, we discuss the route, I provide them some historical background, etc. And while the reaction is slow and ignorant at times, they always feel happy to be on the road and actually share their experiences with the friends with excitement. And because of the hormonal change, they tend to be sleepy all the time, so we take some extra pillows in the car to help them through, and I take it easy on the turns to keep them happy without throwing up - and they are thankful that we understand their challenges and are more responsive later on. This is one small example how I use some knowledge borrowed from the book; and in reality once you have the core knowledge, you just go ahead and adjust on the way as you deem necessary - improvise and take it easy. The main thing is that you get the information what is out there and how far even a lovely and peaceful child can go if left alone for him- or herself. And the ideas get absorbed even better when you hear other parents discussing their problems in school and then you'll know for sure that the book is a great source of information.Having handled the routine with the small kids in their first 2 years of life, most parents feel the relief and when the kids turn, say, 12 or 14, things start to change. That happened to my family. And I must say, having gained the confidence with the knowledge this book gave us, we decided to have another kid, so now we have 16, 10 year old kids and a 6 month baby. We know we need to put some efforts and invest in our kids, and we are fine with it. And we are well informed, prepared and quite excited to cruise through the challenges in life with no fear. As they say: "With fear we expect, and with love we accept!".And I wish you the same!A happy parent,AlexanderP.S. This is a true feedback and not the made up stuff one can meet online quite often. I rarely leave some feedback as it takes time, but after some 4 years I received a request from Amazon to leave a feedback, and here you go - I believe this book is worth it. So, I pulled some thoughts out of my memory and this is just a tiny bit I have on the tip of my head. Enjoy if you decide to get the book and get it rather sooner than later (when your kids turn 10-12 is the best time).

This will likely benefit anyone who is a parent of an adolescent. I think that it would also be helpful to adolescents themselves (if they would read it) in understanding some of their own behavior.Walsh provides a lot of information on the latest research in brain development from adolescence to adulthood and its effects on attitudes, behavior, etc. He also discusses hormonal changes as well as cultural and other influences that are helpful in understanding the teen years.Along with the scientific research he provides, Dr. Walsh also compares parenting styles, discusses activities for kids that can help in the short and long term, and provides realistic ideas for parenting during these tumultuous years. One of his particularly good suggestions is behavioral contracts. He provides a couple of specific examples of these, which are quite good.One great quote that he has to start off chapter one makes it clear that surviving adolescence has been an issue for millennia: "Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise; they no longer rise when elders enter the room; they contradict their parents, chatter before company; gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers". This is attributed to none other than Socrates in the fifth century, B.C.Walsh clearly defines adolescence: "it begins at puberty and ends ... sometime".Interwoven with the scientific information and helpful tips, he relates some stories, funny and otherwise, that most parents of those in this age group will be able to understand. One that I found particularly humorous related to ultra cold weather and adolescent dressing habits. This can be found on page 214.I recommend this book.

As a counselor focused on a developmental perspective and one who works with many adolescents and their families I found this book to be informative and easy to read. I spend a great deal of time reading and preparing for parenting classes and seminars. I feel very strongly that a clear understanding of brain development is essential to clarifying one's understanding of adolescent behaviors. Dr. Walsh provides a great deal of good information from many perspectives; focusing on a theme of providing your adolescent with the wings to fly while making certain they have secure roots as he encourages parents to parent with love while meeting the adolescent's need for connection and guidance. I will most definitely use his very helpful discussion on teens "Falling in Love" vs the later developmental experience of "Standing in Love" as managing emotions and romantic relationship issues are a high priority at this stage of development. Dr. Walsh explains things for the purposes of reaching a broad audience while remaining true to the facts evidenced in the most recent research. I find this book to be a wonderful compliment to Daniel Siegel's works: "Parenting from the Inside Out" and "The Developing Mind". I highly recommend this book to my fellow youth and family counselors and to parents of teens looking for valuable guidance in parenting.

Amazing book, really helped me with my teenage son and daughter. Can really tell Dr Walsh is an expert as you see the exact things he discusses being played out in your children and his methods absolutely working. It’s been a few years since I bought this and am only doing a review now. I can say that I still consult this book when times get rough. One particular say

Book came really quickly and met all expectations of helping parents with teenage children. Would recommend this to all parents. A must buy.

Excellent

This book was a recomendación from my son school, and it is perfect to understand how de they feel and how could you support them. I read in a week, and is like a Bible for this times

This book has helped me so much in understanding teenage behaviour , allowing me to become a better parent to my teen son and daughter.