This Close to Happy: A Reckoning with Depression Hardcover – February 7, 2017

I enjoyed Daphne Merkin’s THE FAME LUNCHES and I knew that when her memoir THIS CLOSE TO HAPPY: A RECKONING WITH DEPRESSION was published, I wanted to read it.In her previous book of essays, while she writes with great humor, about everything from celebrities to her life in the literary world, she touches on her struggle with depression. She comes out full force in her new book about her life-long battle with the debilitating disease. Having been through therapy and many therapists, short and longer stays in a variety of psychiatric hospitals, tried every medication there is as well as combinations, which she is currently on, and struggled with suicidal thoughts since she was a young girl, Merkin holds nothing back.She attributes much of her pain and the disease to her very disturbing and often abusive and neglectful childhood. Although she was raised by two parents who were married until their death, who lived long lives, and who had the means to support her, their money was not showered on their six children. Often deprived of food and certainly of their attention, left in the care of a physically abusive nanny for her entire young life, not sure if her mother even knew or if she did and simply didn’t care, it is a miracle that she is still alive and able to write about it.I found Merkin’s research, personal experience, and theories to be sound. She has tried it all and lived through hell. Yet, she maintains her wit. Her ability to expose herself so deeply personal, perhaps with the hope that she can help someone else who might be experiencing similar feelings, or prevent them from going as far as she did, to seek help, is probably one of the kindest offerings through literature that I have read.Her love of poetry is applied throughout the book and she relates beautiful lines to times in her life that are not so beautiful. She is aware of what is wrong with her and does not live in the past. She moves forward. This is not something that everyone can do. Especially when the thing that is causing you pain has not vanished. Knowing that the black cloud can reappear any day. I admire her writing and her perseverance as well as her ability to help herself, even on her darkest days.

"To be or not to be?...To die: 'tis a consummation devoutly to be wished", Hamlet contemplated aloud in Shakespeare's most famous soliloquy. For Daphne Merkin it has been her lifelong preoccupation and question: to commit suicide or not? Shakespeare resolved this in 33 lines, Merkin's take is 285 pages--but both come to the same conclusion: that there is more nobility in living than there is an early death.This autobiography of a tortured life (she is now 63) and abysmal childhood is as much a reckoning of her upbringing as it is a memoir of a life with severe depression. Much of the book is a recitation of her abusive, caustic upbringing and its effect on her adult life. The balance is a descriptive of her bouts with major depressive episodes and hospitalizations, and her battle with ongoing depression between these. Her illness is one of two constants in the book; her horrid childhood is the other.The writer is, at turns, brutally honest with herself and the reader; sometimes clear, sometimes blind about her motives; introspective and forthright; melodramatic; and, occasionally, needy and tiresomely self-absorbed.But the book is also the clearest description of what it feels like to have a major depressive episode that I have read--certainly more enlightening than Styron's justly famous "Darkness Visible". I recommend this book over his if you want a visceral sense of the true despair depression brings on. [Full disclosure: I have struggled with severe depression all of my adult life and have had long periods of suicidal thinking.]In the book she also describes the effect that psychotherapy and medication have had--all to the good.I find no reason not to recommend this book to everyone. It will be helpful to the depressed; to those who better need to understand depression; to therapists to better understand their patients; and to family members and friends of the depressed.This is a major contribution to the literature on depression and childhood. Highly and unequivocally recommended.

Brilliant, scathing, heartbreaking and raw. This is the most powerfully honest book on depression and child abuse that I have ever read. Merkin's bereft childhood of brutality and lack seems to be the fertile ground that created her despondency and the tenacious, pervasive longing for suicide. Her parents appear blatantly psychologically disordered, meting out damage as casually as one would order lunch. Merkin is by turns, attached to, and repelled by, a vicious mother, who seems both stunningly narcissistic and psychopathic. I was frustrated by Merkin's struggle to detach from her mother, much in the same way that abused wives return to their abusers, expecting different outcomes. Merkin was drowning in depression, yet repeatedly returned to her parents seeking solace, approval and a revisionist history that neither parent was emotionally equipped to provide. The repeated returns to the abusive environment only seemed to exacerbate the depression and parental control, all in a continuous self-perpetuating loop. I rooted for Merkin to cut the toxic ties in favor of mental health and self actualization, but her journey to contentment was more circuitous. I applaud Merkin's ability to craft riveting and beautiful prose from the wreckage and horror of her early years. This book is both difficult to read at times, and equally hard to put down. My hope is that Merkin never chooses to succumb to the lure of suicide, but instead continues to write, to enjoy simple pleasures and allows herself to heal. A highly recommended read.

It’s quite a difficult story but told in an entertaining, clever, knowing, amusing, revealing and heartfelt way. I really enjoyed it.

A thoughtful and wise retracing of a life lived alongside and within depression. It is honest and gets right to the point which is, as its title suggests, a reckoning. It doesn't go away. At its heart, he book is hopeful and generous.

Anyone who thinks reading this is going to help you deal with depression, the answer is a plain no. This book is more of a Journal, an honest journal from the life of a depression survivor. This can enlighten readers how a day generally goes for anyone who falls victim to this disease.I read the reviews before buying it and truly said. The beginning of it looked like I received a letter from a long lost friend who seems to be pouring her heart out on the paper.It took me a long time to diminish the book what started as a good story seemed to be bit dragged. Authors Childhood, her career, her dating scenes, her marriage, each time she went to asylum, her daughter and so on... I started loosing interest post 23rd chapter but nevertheless it was worth the read.

Very satisfied.

Book is in great condition, very happy with purchase.