The Verbally Abusive Man - Can He Change?: A Woman's Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go Paperback – October 1, 2006

I read this book after leaving my husband (and about 6 months after reading Patricia's first book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship). I found both books incredibly helpful in their own way - the first book in explaining the different types of things covert verbal abusers do (many of my x-husband's behaviors upset me but it wasn't until I read that book that I finally really saw the overall pattern and fully understood how soul destroying his abuse was). She also explains the behaviors of overt verbal abusers (what most people have come to associate with the words 'verbal abuse' - name calling, yelling, threatening, etc.).That information gave me the insight I needed to leave my marriage. What I personally couldn't understand from the first book, however, was Patricia's explanation as to why abusers do what they do and what my relationship with my husband was really about. This newer book explained that so clearly I cried for days. I found that it was essential knowledge for me in being able to let go. After all of her years of counseling both abusers and the abused, Patricia seems to really understand the thoughts and emotions behind abusive behavior. After reading this book I came away feeling more empathy for, but also more detachment from, my x-husband. It also gave me valuable insight into how damaging the relationship had really been for me.Personally, I would recommend first reading the The Verbally Abusive Relationship before reading this book as I think it provides important background information for this book. One thing I found interesting is that in the first book Patricia listed out 16 traits she commonly found in verbally abused women. In this book she listed one - that the victim feels "irreparably flawed." I thought that was a perfect description of how I had come to feel and her book explained why I felt that way about myself. The other insight I found extremely helpful is that she doesn't recommend couple's counseling - she has found that the abusers end up manipulating the counselor into blaming the victim and it ends up empowering the abuser. After reading her explanation, I couldn't agree more.This book provides wonderful advice for how an abuser can recover IF (the big if) they want to. Mostly however I think this is valuable for verbally abused women to better understand what is really behind the abuse and what their relationship is really about.

I am grateful to Patricia Evens for writing this book. It has opened my eyes to what I've been experiencing for years. Thank you for the simple, yet insightful explanation of what a verbally Abusive person is and how to spot one. Thank you & God bless you!

This review is for all of her books, I personally have purchased several complete sets, and given them to women who are dealing with these types of issues and bad relationships. Each and every person that I have made read these as part of their therapy have found themselves more than once inside the pages. When a book or books, will bring tears, and anger enough to throw them across a room, but then to go and pick it up and continue reading... then you have found a good tool for learning the "How's and Why's" of very bad situations. The only downside isn't in the books, they are straight forward and honest, it's the people who will go and read them, admit and say they understand, and turn around and walk back into the situation, back into Plato's Cave... Education... revelation... insight... only works if you are willing to set aside the comfort of the known, to embrace the unknown and potentially better life without the abuser. I can not tell you that the world will be better if you read these books, but... I can tell you that the world will be better if you not only give up the bad, but stop repeating the cycles by finding another abuser, just because you "understand the rules" To understand why a Man is like this, (yes, there are abusive women as well), is to take away their power to hurt and manipulate you. Buy it, read it, give a copy to a firend.

It was difficult to read her book "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" because I cried my way through it. But as difficult as that one was, this one is enlightening. It's one thing to know that someone is abusive, it's another thing entirely to understand why. I actually felt sympathy for my husband instead of loathing - and that is a wonderful start. And with "The Agreement" that this new book centers around, I was actually offered hope. My husband is aware of what he does; he has honestly been working on seeing me in a different light. But it really helps our relationship now that I understand in what light he was seeing me.

This book spoke to mysituation's. My spouse has tried and seen improvement, but still finding myself fighting to have a separate opinion from his.

What I loved about this book, and I'm unsure whether it was a little intentional , is that it really cemented my decision to leave. The thing that cemented it was reading what was involved in making The Agreement. I ultimately came to the conclusion that it was unfair for me to have gone through what I had already, and worked so hard on myself and the relationship, and then have to put all this extra work into making and maintaining The Agreement. Well done!

Very helpful in moving forward, understanding the causes, it even made me empathetic towards my husband. At the same time I found it immensely empowering, definitely for the woman who has kids and wants to try everything before leaving. But in the end this book also gives the courage to see the writing on the wall, if after all these attempts things don't change, then it is time to heal and move forward. Dont stay because of financial implications, God took care of you for so long, have faith and leap forward. God will not abandon you now!

Wie alle Bücher von Patricia Evans kann ich Betroffenen auch dieses nur wärmstens empfehlen. Gerade die Frauen, die sich mit der Frage quälen, ob sie ihren Partner verlassen sollen oder in einer Beziehung bleiben die ihnen schadet, hilft dieses Buch dabei raus zu finden, ob Hoffnung auf Veränderung berechtigt ist oder nicht.Die Bücher von Patricia Evans haben mich inspiriert ein Netzwerk für Betroffene ins Leben zu rufen. Du findest uns, wenn du eine Suchmaschine deiner Wahl nach "Reality2 Netzwerk" fragst.Das Buch kann dein Leben grundlegend verändern! Es empfiehlt sich auch und lässt sich durchaus auch verstehen, wenn du nicht perfekt Englisch kannst.

This book is a must read for women who are the victims of verbal mental and emotional abuse. Men who seek out their victims choose very carefully and usually it is a woman who is very loving, very giving, often but not always, has low self confidence and self esteem and puts others needs before her own. The world is changing and men are going to have to rethink their strategy of control or be controlled. It is far better to work together in life and not against and this especially applies to the opposite sexes - male and female. In France a man was recently convicted and thrown into prison for verbal mental and emotional abuse on his partner. These laws should apply in the UK but they do not. We still live in a world in the United Kingdom whereby children and women are severely abused and the legal system turns a blind eye to. Simple - the legal system in the United Kingdom needs to be overhauled and the victims compensated as there is absolutely NO justification for ABUSE whether it be mind rape, physical rape, emotional rape or verbal rape it is still RAPE which should be against the law and protect the victims and not the abusers!

I am still reading it.Quite an eye opener! But it certainly makes a lot of sense! I wish I had this book years ago,I probably would have avoided a lot of the problems that I have now.