Connecting Across Differences: Finding Common Ground with Anyone, Anywhere, Anytime Paperback – April 1, 2012

Connecting Across Differences by Jane Marantz Connor and Dian Killian presents the practices of Nonviolent Communication as developed by Marshall Rosenberg. The questions they take up are based on two basic principles. The first is that when people have disagreements it is because they are disagreeing over strategies to meet needs, over what they want to do in a given situation. The needs driving these strategies must first be discovered if we wish to resolve the conflict. The key to achieving this goal is to truly hear and understand one another on the level of shared values. The second principle is that connecting with and contributing to the well-being of others are instinctive human behaviors that are intrinsically rewarding and thus win-win solutions become the ultimate prize. The model involves four basic steps (OFNR) that include making clear observations, identifying feelings in relation to what you are observing, identifying needs in relation to what you are feeling, and making a request that might contribute to meeting your needs. Learning this new way of communication, however, requires some risk taking. The authors go on to explore the various aspects of this approach and provide a large number of examples and self-assessments. The book concludes with an interview with Mr. Rosenberg.This book can be very helpful to anyone in understanding how to communicate. It also can be used as a textbook to teach communication, as there are a large number of exercises. Given the difficulties we see in communication, I recommend this book for everyone. At the same time the process is not easy and takes a real commitment. More information can be gained from the Center for Nonviolent Communication (www.cnvc.org)

I used to think about how much better life would be if people just agreed with me. After all, it's obvious to ME how right I am! Why don't others see it that way? Well, as it turns out, even if they really did agree with me, my attempts to convince them of my rightness was creating more problems that it solved. This book helped me to differentiate between the "strategies" that I thought would get me what I wanted, and the actual "needs" behind those strategies. I tried using this at work, ready to tell the other persons how wrong they were for not communicating like this! What happened next was so nice - we all discovered that we agreed on the needs, which made it easier to discuss the strategies! This book has helped me to communicate better at work and with children, especially when the other parties were uncooperative. I recommend this book to anyone who is interested in learning better ways of using langauge to connect with others.

Although this book has some good insights, it will not replace "The Book", Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. There are no strategies (or few) for tackling the really tough conversations in our divided society. I enjoyed reading it but I think a title like that promises more.

The amazing​ book has much insight on our habits and ways in which we communicate. Shows you how to observe, and evaluate situations in order to avoid everyday conflict. Would recommend this book to those with anger issues.

It was VERY informative. I learned a lot. Until this book I thought I was a good listener - now I have the tools to become one. I just thought it was too wordy.

Fleshes out the basics of Marshall B. Rosenberg's model of Nonviolent Communication(TM). Enjoyed thorough work and style of writing. I bought two as gifts to send to others interested in learning more about this work.

I have learned a lot from Marshall Rosenberg's book, this was a great review/different way of saying it.Highly recommended.

Practical strategies for personal and professional dialogues and compassionate communication.

Connor and Killian have taken the work of Dr. Marshall Rosenberg and translated it into how we can live the principles and consciousness of NonViolent Communication in our lives. There are many examples of people working to apply NVC and many exercises to help with readers' understanding of the concepts as well as their applications of them in their own lives. Brilliant book! I like it so much I made it a required text for an Interpersonal Relationships course I teach in our community college.