The Secrets of the M*A*S*H Mess: The Lost Recipes of Private Igor

In 1950, a country bumpkin named Igor Straminsky answered his country's call to duty and, as an unwitting Army private, soon found himself in the most hostile environment that the planet could ever serve up. No, we're not talking about Korea. We're talking about the men and women of the 4077th who queued up three times a day with plastic trays, growling stomachs, and growing suspicions that they'd more likely meet their deaths at the inept hands of their new cook than they ever would in confrontations with the enemy they'd come to fight."Dear Ma," Igor wrote home, "Instead of letting me work at something I'm good at, they're gonna make me do a job I don't know anything about! Radar, the company clerk here, told me that he thinks the Army does that on purpose."Still, a job was a job and the beleaguered young private wasn't going to let the ongoing sarcasm of Captain Hawkeye Pierce dampen his spirits.HAWKEYE: It's inhuman to serve the same food day after day. The Geneva Convention prohibits the killing of our taste buds.Suffice it to say, Igor had plenty of time to hone his craft (such as it was). His stint in a mess tent chef's hat, in fact, lasted 8 years longer than the actual Korean War. When the hit television series M*A*S*H finally bowed out in 1983, almost 125 million viewers tuned in to say goodbye, the largest audience ever for a TV show."Ma!" he wrote, "I'm sure you've heard the news...IT'S OVER! I'll probably be home by the time you get this letter but I wanted to write it anyway. I'll make everybody dinner when I get there but could somebody else please serve it?"Fortunately, Igor's efforts to please the palate weren't left behind on a helicopter pad. His alter ego-Hollywood actor/writer/entrepreneur Jeff Maxwell-has compiled the best of Igor's mess tent magic into a hilarious book entitled "Secrets of the M*A*S*H Mess: The Lost Recipes of Private Igor."Testimonial from Colonel Potter: "There seems to be a misconception here-those recipes weren't lost! We did our best to hide them."Within these wacky pages--which are replete with black and white production stills, "dog-tag" quotes, and letters home-the author not only gives us generous dollops of homegrown culinary advice but demonstrates a talent for memorializing his Army experiences and friendships with his own brand of signature recipes:* Hawkeye and Trapper's Swamp Spaghetti* Winchester's Upper Crusted Chicken* Hot Lips Tri-Tips* Pork Choppers with Barbeque Sauce* Stuffed Seoul* Radar's Teddy Bear Turkey Loaf* The Colonel's Kernel Stew* Toasted Tank Tuna* Hunnicut's Homesick Cookies* Intravenous Drip DipIGORISM:Hawkeye told me he went to school for twelve years to be a doctor. I trained in boot camp for eight weeks to become a soldier. It sure takes a lot more time to learn how to save a life than how to end one.As clueless as Igor seemed to be whilst unveiling inventive concoctions such as "Cream of Weenie Soup" or "Hot Potato Pucks", he shows remarkable clarity in laying out instructions that are fun and easy to follow. Whether you're mustering your troops off to work or school with "Frontline Flapjacks with Chocolate Gravy", settling in for an evening flick with "Movie Night Popcorn Shrimp" or dazzling your next book club group with "Forward Marsh Melts", there's no denying that Igor knows what it takes to please picky eaters.IGOR: Peas or carrots, Sir?HAWKEYE: Oh, a little of each will be fine.IGOR: Good, because I don't know which is which.He has also included a short section on drinks, including "Pre-Op Novocaine Shake", "Swamp Swill Martini" and "Suicide is Painless", the latter popularized in song for both the original film and the TV series.Testimonial from Hawkeye Pierce: "Can't wait to try the recipes. There are several people I'm trying to kill."In real life, by the way, Maxwell is the inventor/purveyor of a kicky Bloody Mary Mix called Chico Rico™ which won a People's Preference Award in the 2003 International Zesty Foods Show. The mix, which he describes as "Lip Smackin' Fire & Spice", is available at Bristol Farms or through his website at [...]While dinner is cooking, TV trivia fans will find themselves well entertained with Maxwell's behind-the-scenes anecdotes as well the convoluted journey that took this affable actor from the bowels of the Print Department at 20th Century Fox to stand-up comedy to the elation of playing a character with an actual name on a hit series instead of just a credit as "Soldier 1". The proliferation of candid shots suggest the slap-dash happiness of an overgrown kid who has not only found himself at the summer camp of a lifetime but in the thick of new friendships destined to last forever.HOTLIPS: I thought you might enjoy being the Charity Officer for me. You'd be so good at it.BJ: Oh really?HOT LIPS: You have such a nice smile. Not liking you is the same as not liking a collie.Last but not least are the bittersweet tugs of nostalgia which remind us that the 4077th wasn't just Igor's family and his home-away-from-home but a weekly part of our own family as well."Dear Ma," his letter began, "We all just found out that Colonel Blake gets to go home. Lucky guy-sure wish I was gonna be on the plane with him!"In the third season finale, "Abyssinia, Henry", marking actor McLean Stevenson's departure from the cast, viewers will recall the heart-stopping moment when a stunned Radar announced that Colonel Blake's plane had been shot down en route to Japan. There were no survivors.It was moments like this that reminded us of what good writing can be. And it's books like "Secrets of the M*A*S*H Mess" that demonstrate Private Straminsky has a definite calling in top brass cuisine.

Purchased this book just as my wife & I finished a run-through of the entire M*A*S*H series on DVD.It was an online look in conjunction with the viewing that brought the book to my attention. By sheer coincidence, I had been planning to broaden my recipe repertoire, as I habitually make my wife breakfast on the weekends, and my old standards had become just that--old.This book functions beautifully on three levels;1) It delivers wonderful doses of humor culled from M*A*S*H on each page...2) TRIVIA ! You`ll find marvelous between-scenes trivia and interesting facts (How did Jeff Maxwell become 'Igor'? The answer is not only interesting, but hilarious !...Jeff became 'Igor' well before M*A*S*H existed!)3) GREAT FOOD ! This recipe book really delivers wonderful dishes ! I am now on my 4h, with nothing but great results, and pouring though to decide What To Try Next...??So, if any of the above appeals to you; get the book !Personally; I am hoping that some day I can tell Jeff Maxwell how much we appreciate his effort.

The cookbook was in wonderful condition. Delivered on time excited to try the recipes in it.

This book is a funny look at life in a fictional mobile army surgical hospital through the eyes of an army private. Igor is not a well trained army cook, but is forced into the role of cook by the army anyway. In spite of his lack of great cooking skills, the recipes he includes in his book are actually quite good. My sons, both of whom are extremely picky eaters, have made several of the simpler items included in this cookbook and have enjoyed the results of their efforts.This book is not for the master chef or for the hardcore food critic. The recipes are fairly basic and don't require a lot of unusual skills or ingredients. However, the story, the pictures and the recipes are fun and useful.If you are a fan of M*A*S*H, as I am, you will really enjoy this book and find the recipes a nice addition to your own collection.

Purchased this book for my daughter who is an avid Mash and Alan Alda fan. She said recently she is half way through the book and she is loving it. What more can I say.

I found the recipes too good to possibly come from the mess tent! Amazing stories from behind the scenes and stunning visuals from everyone’s favorite cook, Igor!

This is a really fun, and funny, cookbook by one of the Army's worst cooks. Enjoy it!

Love this cookbook. Perfect for those who were fans of the shows. Great recipes, stories Nd photos.

There seems to e a nice variety of recipes. In addition the stories of life on the set makes it a great read in its own right. Shows like M*A*S*H don't come around very often.

A great book for fun and recipes, loved the mash series

This is a fun receipe book from the MASH series along with duplicated photos of the people that made it.As of yet,i haven't made any recipes from it but it sure does look fun to do.

what a great book. I have watch the mash series on tv and seen the re runs. I am crazy about the series mash and the book. I ,ve had such great laugh.Great book.

This is an actual cookery book! Really! It has recipes in it - but it's also a comic piece and a great piece of memorabilia for M*A*S*H fans. The titles of the recipes, the anecdotes of the actors and the pictures are worth the money alone! I bought this for my mother because she likes cookery books and she watches M*A*S*H and she was delighted with it!