The Confidence Code: A Scientific Guide to finding Trust in Your Decision Making

The Confidence Code by Claire Shipman and Katty Kay is a wonderful book. It's funny (Katty Kay learning to kiteboard), relatable (stellar international leaders Christine Lagarde and Angela Merkel comforting each other when male politicians beat up on them), and easy to read. Well researched, the book contains pages of helpful information, not only to understand why we as a gender tend to lag in confidence but also what to do about it. (Although the book would be good resource for any adult who lacks confidence, it's aimed at women.) Apart from making you feel good, why is confidence important? According to the authors, ..."there is evidence that confidence is more important than ability when it comes to getting ahead," on the job and in life generally. Good compensation, happiness, and professional fulfillment may depend on confidence. Not born confident? Don't worry. "The newest research shows that we can literally change our brains (to make us) more confidence prone." There's a lot of wisdom in the Confidence Code. One nugget is this: "Most people believe they need to criticize themselves in order to find motivation to reach their goals. In fact, when you constantly criticize yourself, you become depressed, and depression is not a motivational mindset." Also, "...Of all the warped things that women do to themselves to undermine their confidence, we found the pursuit of perfection to be the most crippling...you'll inevitably and routinely feel inadequate." But most of us are perfectionists. How do we overcome these behaviors? To get answers, Shipman and Kay interview and cite many thoughtful and engaging experts, who are quoted throughout the book, but the short course is this: Stop overthinking everything. Have courage, take action, congratulate yourself for trying regardless of outcome, and move on. Engage in self-compassion. Practice / do the work. Mastery in one thing spills over into other areas. Meditation can shrink your amygdalae (the region of the brain that amps up fear) and stimulate your prefrontal cortex (the calm, rational area). If that's too much work, concentrate on how you present yourself physically. Practice power positions. Spread out. Take up space. Keep your chin raised. Don't use "upspeak" (i.e. sound like a Valley Girl when you talk). There's so much more, but here's the thing I want you to remember: the development of confidence is volitional - a choice. Or as Shipman and Kay put it: "Our biggest and perhaps most encouraging discovery has been that confidence is something we can, to a significant extent, control." What an important life skill for women of all ages to learn, and to teach their daughters and granddaughters.

Excellent book. Every woman should read this book

I bought this book awhile ago, before I retired, because I was in an ill-fitting job, a quiet introvert among a group of extremely confident extroverts, and I was desperate for help. I didn't read it at that time. I wish I had. I have never been good at self-promotion, but in a workplace full of those who are, it's necessary. And this book shows how reasonable and honest self-promotion is a good thing and not a display of arrogance. We think nothing of men pushing themselves forward and touting their accomplishments, but in women it's considered tacky. This book points out how men learn, from childhood on, how to be confident, how to fail without feeling like a failure, while women tend to back away from that. Perhaps it is changing now, but that is definitely how it was when I was growing up. And worse, it was such a part of the social fabric that I never even thought twice about it. Women who talked themselves up were haughty. Humility was more attractive for women. But this left us vulnerable in the workplace, relegated to the back as men naturally push forward, and that is what the boss sees, leaving women's contributions unnoticed or under-noticed. I experienced this myself as, uncomfortable speaking up, I would hear others say what I was silently thinking and they got credit while I appeared mute and empty of ideas. Very foolish on my part. This book helps explain a lot of the thinking behind these types of actions and shows ways to change. Truly, I thought this would be just another flavor of the day business book but I was pleasantly surprised. It is primarily aimed at the work world but contains information useful at any point in life. I'm glad I finally read it.

As an expectant father, I’ve been considering how to nurture confidence in my soon-to-arrive daughter. I stumbled upon The Confidence Code and found it to be both insightful and practical. The authors provide compelling examples of the challenges women face that can erode their confidence, ranging from societal expectations to workplace biases. However, they don't leave the reader feeling discouraged. Instead, the book offers practical solutions and a hopeful yet realistic perspective on building resilience. The personal stories and scientific research interwoven throughout make this a highly relatable and informative read. Highly recommended for those looking to empower the next generation!

I'm suspicious of some of the five star reviews of this book. If you check out their total reviews, for many this is their only review, and for others, they have just 2 or 3 reviews, all 5 star. And they gush a bit too much about this book. I'm having difficulty getting through this book because it's boring. It's mainly stories about wealthy, highly educated women, or celebrities, who expressed at some point that they felt lucky or unworthy, etc. There are other things in the book, and it is enlightening in some respects. But it's not geared toward helpful advice for the average woman. I agree with the several other reviews for this book that say much the same thing as I am saying. It's not a total waste of money, and if the stats apply to you, you may find it more applicable to yourself. I did find one thing in the book that I am using, which is that women apologize all the time, whether it's justified or not. I've noticed that I do the same, so am trying to alter this. The response has not been great. The problem is, and perhaps the reason why, women appear to lack confidence and apologize, is because the response when they don't do that is not good. The goal is to get certain things, whether it's a job or a raise or congeniality in the office. I believe that women have learned how to win the end game through experience, and that experience has shown that the best way to do this is to APPEAR more subserviant and pleasant than you are. I saw a documentary once about how girl toddlers & boy toddlers are treated differently, and wondered why girls cry more than boys. You could see in the test that when girl toddlers cried in a child pen area, they got picked up more often than the boys did when they cried. So the girls learned that to cry is to get the result desired, and boys learned that crying did them no good. So the accomplished women in this book, for all their assertions that they attribute their success to luck or whatever, actually did achieve what they wanted, using precisely the things that this book is saying not to use. Maybe the book changes a bit in the second half. If so, I'll update this review. Don't get me wrong...it's interesting. Just not a practical guide for the average American woman.

The Confidence Code is a quick, practical read on building real confidence—especially for women. It was recommended for me to purchase for my daughter. It mixes science, stories, and advice to help you stop overthinking and start doing. If you want to stop second-guessing yourself and go for more, this book’s worth picking up. Highly recommend.

Definitely worth the read if you’re a woman who has ever struggled with people pleasing, ruminating, self-doubt, overthinking and more! There’s so much that holds us back but this book has helped set me free and become bolder in my own feminine way.

It takes a certain kind of person to read it. I'm into learning how our brains function, gene dynamics, and theories, but even for me some parts that went into depth were hard to follow. I love the information that I learned and took lots of notes. My only reason for only 4 stars was that at times it felt more like peer review journal vs a book. But, there a lot of interviews that flowed well too. However, if you're someone who stays away from scientific theories this is not the book for you. If you love learning how the brain and DNA connect with confidence its a good read.