The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity Paperback – October 9, 2018

This might be the best book I’ve read in decades—written with compassion and an unwavering gaze on the vagaries of the human conditionHighly, highly, highly recommend

Perel is justly revered as a clear thinker about subjects that carry vast cultural weight. There is so much to think about in this book—no matter how secure your marriage or relationship is, there is something to be learn from her.

What can I say, a book every person should read. I decided to read the book after watching numerous interviews of Ester. Her thought process, reasoning and advice are all so enticing. You just want to binch all her material. The way she brings complicated relational issues to us, and how she delve deeper is mind blowing.This book is no different, her words fly off the paper and her reasoning and conceptualization of each couples delimma is absolutely beautiful. The way how she doesn't judge your wrongs but understand she is there to listen, delve deeper and help one make sense of the why.I am in no way in a marriage of infidelity but I know ppl who had gone through it, who had done it to their partners, who are being judge for it, and of whom had lost partners and yet they have no closure of the "why". I was one of those who would simply just judge someone who committed infidelity and see the partner as the victim, never thinking even in this story their are two sides to the coin and if we take the time to delve deeper we too would realize often time there is no victim because both parties have a part in what transpired. And this is the reason why I wanted to learn more about why ppl go astray, why we wonder or long for something different at times and what to do when that happens.I realized we are all just imperct human being, cheating is not just the physical, it is the emotional. Some of us cheat in our minds and that is also something we need to talk over and deal with. I certainly have found myself in the mind cheating sphere and this book really help you dig deeper and finding answers.This book is not only for those who committed infidelity or who had been cheated on, it's for everyone because we are all capable of infidelity in one form or another. The sooner you learn about it, the better you'll be able to understand and be less judgmental to those even yourself committing it.

I LOVE this book. I read Mating In Captivity years ago and waited eagerly for Perel's next book. I bought The State of Affairs three days ago and finished it today. Esther tackles this important subject with compassion and complexity. She does not profess easy answers or clear rules. Love and relationships are messy. There is no one right or wrong way. The State of Affairs asks us to accept that as fact before passing judgment.Since there is no adult who has not cheated, been cheated on and/or has loved someone who is dealing with/has dealt with infidelity, every adult should read this book! Marriage and monogamy have been around forever and so has infidelity. Whether we like it or not, infidelity is not an anomaly. Rather than pretend that it is, and put relationships that are dealing with it in a "special needs" corner, she confronts the subject in a nuanced, curious and compassionate way. She carries the torch for each and every person involved in the triangle of infidelity -- the cheater, the cheated upon, the lover. This book offers important perspectives not only to all of them but to all of the therapists, family members and friends that they all turn to for guidance and support.Why do people cheat? Who cheats? What is cheating? Can recovery happen? How can it happen? What does it look like? What happens on the other side of recovery? These are the big questions tackled in The State of Affairs. The State of Affairs will open minds, soften hearts, heal wounds, and potentially save relationships.

Esther Perel has an insightful, engaging way of writing about relationships and the human condition. Buy this book.

This book gives a different perspective. The ideas explored in this book could help a lot of long term couples see a new side of things.

Esther speaks to my experience over and over. She says it like it is, rather than how she imagines it should be. She has also organized a lot of complex relationships into a methodical, coherent, easy-to-read whole. Wonderful!!

However didn’t feel that it drew any helpful paths- part of the inclusion of the full spectrum without judgment clouded what I hoped to read about