Emotional Intelligence: 25th Anniversary Edition Paperback

In “Emotional Intelligence”, Daniel Coleman justifies the importance of emotional intelligence (or E.I.) in all areas of life. To help us understand what is happening when emotions occur, the book begins with an explanation of emotions and neural circuitry. As Coleman goes further into the topic, we learn why emotional literacy is extremely valuable in our love, family and work lives. Most importantly, this book offers helpful approaches on how to improve one’s emotional aptitude and fix negative emotions.I would recommend this book to anyone interested in psychology, well-being, or personal development. Likewise, I believe that this book would be extremely useful for emotional personalities who are affected by chronic anger, anxiety, or depression, and who are looking to improve themselves by better-understanding their emotions and learning how to handle them.My brief takeaways from the book:What Is E.I.?Coleman discusses emotional intelligence as one’s ability to identify, understand, and handle emotions in oneself and in others. There are two aspects to E.I.: internal and external. Internally, competencies include self-awareness, self-management, impulse control, mood regulation and more. Externally, E.I. relates to empathy, social awareness and the capacity to manage emotions in others.The BrainColeman explains how emotions are highly dependent upon one’s neural circuitry; in particular, the balance between her “feeling” amygdala and “thinking” prefrontal cortex. The amygdala is the part of the brain that triggers emotional impulses and fight-or-flight responses. The prefrontal cortex is the emotional damper that inhibits impulses while simultaneously facilitating attention and working memory.An amygdala overwhelmed by emotion and unable to be regulated by one’s prefrontal cortex can trigger what Coleman calls “neural hijackings”. Neural hijackings contribute highly to emotional deficiencies such as anxiety, anger and depression. A portion of one’s neural circuitry is genetic, but Coleman argues that temperament is not destiny. The brain is continuously shaped throughout a lifetime due to its neuroplasticity.The EmotionsEmotions are physiological responses of the brain. Good moods and emotions help us stay motivated, optimistic, resilient, and resourceful. They contribute towards an ideal state or flow and facilitate our ability to think flexibly and associatively.“Laughing, like elation, seems to help people think more broadly and associate more freely, noticing relationships that might have eluded them otherwise…”On the other hand, negative emotions such as anger, anxiety and depression can drastically impede our working memory, intellect and performance. “Emotional Intelligence” focuses on the most common negative emotions: anger, anxiety, and depression. Each of these emotions is a different type of emotional hijacking on the brain. Coleman discusses, in detail, the treatment for such concerns. In short, solutions include methods such as self-awareness, cognitive reframing, and distraction techniques to fight toxic trains of thought before they ruminate further.“Anyone can become angry – that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose in the right way – that is not easy.”In The Real WorldA significant portion of “Emotional Intelligence” discusses the effects of emotionally illiteracy on the most important areas of our lives: relationships, family, work, school, and health. These chapters include numerous studies and examples on how emotional competencies affect one’s ability to be an effective manager, teammate, spouse and parent.Most importantly, emotional states play a significant role in one’s physical and mental health. Coleman discusses the correlation of negative emotional states, such as stress and depression, with one’s susceptibility to (and ability to recover from) disease. For example, social isolation can affect mortality rates as much as smoking, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and obesity!E.I > I.Q.“Those who are at the mercy of impulse – who lack self-control – lack a moral deficiency: The ability to control impulse is the base of will and character.”Without discounting the fact that I.Q. is indeed important, especially for lower-rung technical jobs, Coleman debates that E.I. contributes significantly more to one’s overall success and quality of life, especially in “soft” domains such as health, love and relationships. In a family, it’s E.I., not I.Q., that influences how long a marriage lasts or how a child handles adversity. At the workplace, everyone at the top of the ladder is already filtered by technical expertise. So it is E.I. that helps the best and most effective leaders stand out. From a societal standpoint, an emotionally intelligent community will breed a moral culture where decisions are influenced by empathy and moral instincts as opposed to uncontrollable impulses.“Academic intelligence offers virtually no preparation for the turmoil – or opportunity – life’s vicissitudes bring. Yet even though a high IQ is no guarantee of prosperity, prestige or happiness in life, our schools and our culture fixate on academic abilities. Ignoring emotional intelligence, a set of traits – some might call it character – that also matters immensely for our personal destiny”If you've found this summary interesting. You should definitely go deeper into this lovely, informational book!

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You know the feeling--your spouse says something that strikes you the wrong way, and involuntarily you tense up. You can almost feel your blood pressure rise. Without thinking, you respond emotionally, and soon what may have been intended as an innocuous comment has sparked a full-fledged marital battle that may leave as its aftermath lingering feelings of anger and resentment.In Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman describes the physiological processes that drive and are driven by emotion and their purpose, the ability of emotions to hijack rational thought and the short- and long-term physiological and psychological effects, and the personal and social benefits of teaching and learning how to manage the emotions.In the opening chapters, Goleman discusses in simplified terms the complex interactions of the brain when emotion-causing stimuli are perceived, with the emotional mind reacting more quickly than the rational. For example, the sight of a snake may start the fight-or-flight response; the structures of the emotional brain prime the body to strike out at the snake or to flee from it. Then, after the body is tensed, the rational mind notices that it is a harmless garter snake. The efficiency of the brain circuitry, along with its emotional memory and associative abilities, helps to explain the power of the emotions. Citing research, Goleman suggests that the ability to recognize and manage emotions and emotional response, primarily learned from parents, family, friends, school, and the community, is a greater indicator of success in relationships, work, and society than intelligence tests. It is not necessarily how well you learn or what you know, but indeed how well you play with others.Goleman covers a variety of topics: depression, mania, anxiety, PTSD, drug abuse, teenage pregnancy, relationship issues, abuse, and others. For example, a feeling of sadness can be transformed in the brain into a lingering mood and ultimately into a full-blown clinical depression. He shows how emotional intelligence can be used to control the brain's circuitry so that pathological conditions like depression, mania, and PTSD can be managed or at least controlled.Citing an increase worldwide in indicators of emotional and social problems, Goleman focuses on children and the importance of pilot programs that teach such skills as empathy, assertiveness without aggression, self-awareness and self-control, conflict resolution, and so forth. He discusses several studies that show measurable, long-term benefits of such programs, and the negative results when children do not have the opportunity to learn these skills at home, at school, on the playground, or in the community.Goleman does not always seem trustworthy. His description of the 1963 "Career Girl" murders, intended to illustrate an emotional hijacking, does not match other accounts in key areas. He also leaves out facts, such as that several knives were used, instead saying that the killer "slashed and stabbed them over and over with a kitchen knife." He does not mention the sexual assaults in "those few minutes of rage unleashed." The crime he depicts fits his picture of an emotional hijacking, but other accounts show it to have been a more deliberate crime of longer duration. In a section on empathy, he says that one-year-olds "still seem confused over what to do about [another child's tears]," citing an instance where a "one-year-old brought his own mother over to comfort the crying friend, ignoring the friend's mother, who was also in the room." There is no confusion here, but a logical, pre-verbal assumption: "My mother is comforting to me when I am upset; therefore, she will be comforting to you, too." This kind of thinking is not limited to one-year-olds; for example, how many times has a friend recommended an action movie or horror novel to you, saying that you will "love it," even though your known preference is historical romance or another completely different genre? Even adults assume that "what works for me will work for you."Goleman also discusses school bullies and outcasts in detail. He places so much emphasis on the probability that their peers are reacting to their lack of emotional intelligence that he misses some important exceptions and nuances, such as children who are social outcasts for socioeconomic and racist reasons or because they are nonconformist individualists, in which cases it is the other children who display a lack of empathy and emotional intelligence. On the flip side, there are children (and adults) who are not empathetic or emotionally intelligent but who are well liked, even popular, for other reasons, tangible and intangible (e.g., socioeconomic status, influence, some mysterious force of personality or charisma). Many successful, popular people exhibit little emotional intelligence, which Goleman could have addressed. In addition, while Goleman cites a wealth of research supporting his arguments, he does not present any dissenting opinions, or whether any exist. This weakens his presentation.Emotional Intelligence is an insightful, enlightening look at how awareness of the emotions and their physiology can help us to manage them when they affect our lives negatively or when they become pathological (e.g., depression). I found the book to be a practical guide to recognizing when I am reacting rather than listening to others or hearing them correctly. It has helped me to cope with colleagues who are lacking in emotional intelligence and to give them subtle guidance. While most of Emotional Intelligence is intuitive to a perceptive mind, the book serves as a guide and reminder that even a little emotional intelligence can make relationships, situations, and life more positive, more productive, and less stressful.

Great book