The New Strong-Willed Child

I almost didn't purchase this book because of some of the awful reviews I read. I questioned whether I wanted to waste my time and money on something that some reviewers claimed advocates child abuse. So I began with the free sample, was pleased and decided to purchase it. After reading this book in it's entirety I am absolutely shocked at some of the awful things people wrote about this author! Dobson's advice is far from abusive and I worry about a society so permissive that it would label it as such. He stresses the importance of protecting the spirit of the child while helping to control the will. He warns against discipline that is demeaning or done in anger. He gives advice for creating a home filled with love and how to discipline a difficult child while making it evident to the child that they are loved, special, and cared for. Dobson stresses the importance if finding a balance between a household that is too harsh and too permissive as both ends of the spectrum can be harmful to a child. He does advocate swatting a child on the behind one or two times for clear acts of defiance and only after other measures have failed. He writes that spankings should be rare, never done in anger, and always followed by holding the child and lovingly telling them what they did wrong and assuring them that they are loved. However, if you disagree with spanking this book can still be beneficial to you. It is filled with an abundance of helpful information, most of which has nothing to do with spanking. Read it and take away what is useful for your situation and toss what isn't. If you have a strong willed child then I think you'll find it very beneficial!

This is an amazing book for any parent struggling with a strong willed child. Dr Dobson is a great help and has much wisdom to share on this topic! Despite what the previous reviewer says (I am doubtful that she read the book) this is the opposite of child abuse. She seems to wrongly assume that any time a parent spanks a child that they are "out of control". Dr Dobson strongly states in this book that a parent should NEVER spank a child in anger. It's almost as if she has some sort of axe to grind and is giving an unfair and illogical review of this wonderful book. Dr Dobson has been a champion of children and families for decades and helps parents know how to have healthy boundries and fair boundries for their children. Sometimes "love must be tough" to be effective and to keep a child safe from his own destructive behavior... The idea that any form of spanking is child abuse is ridiculas at best and ignorant at worst. The key is to spank only when the child has directly disobeyed and to NEVER do it in anger, which is what Dr Dobson carefully explains. This type of spanking is NOT "out of control" and is always followed up by affection and reconcilliation between the parent and child...Dr Dobson helps parents know how to deal with a strong willed child so that they do not lose control but still have boundries and structure in the home. I think the previous reviewer who says she is the wife of a Pediatrician must not have had any strong willed children in her own household...Her recommendations would not "fly" with this type of personality. There are MANY parents that will attest to the fact that "time out" does not work with their strong willed child. If a strong-willed child feels that they control the home and dont have to obey authority, they grow up to be self indulgent and disliked by all and their future will be severly affected...This is just as much child abuse as someone who spanks out of control...There is a BIG difference between "spanking" and "hitting". She incorrectly assumes they are one and the same. Dr Dobson will teach you the difference in this important book! I also highly recommend his book called "Dare To Discipline" for those struggling with parenting. Dr Dobson is a God send in todays permissive culture!

If you have a wonderful girly-girl wife but your child is hell-on-wheels, this may bring her down to earth. It's a nice reality check, especially if you are getting advice from modern therapists... fortunately she didn't let me dismiss them because they provided some excellent insights, but frankly they don't know your child or ours and shouldn't hold themselves out as more than advice-givers. The News in this book was a shock to my wife, who is sugar-and-spice. I knew our boy was all about winning at his games from birth because I was the same way and even after 50 years (yes, we're old for first-time parents) I remember all to well tormenting my mother who was essentially sugar-and-spice as well. But had I been any different, I would have been clueless. If you are reading this you have a sense of what I am writing about. Buy it, read it, and believe it. If you are inclined, skim over the Fundamentalist Christian sounding parts but do not be deterred - this is the real thing and will tell you like it is. We're half-inclined to begin the laying-on-hands though (I'm being half-facetious here) us Catholics don't go for that sort of thing and t was not necessary. Believe me, I pray every hour I'm with our little hellion. I believe that this book and Dr. Dobson have been inspired by God. It spoke to us - to me as someone with knowledge but no idea how to use it and to my wife as something completely new. Dr. Dobson has transcended time and geography to speak in two different languages at the same time to two very different people, to help us make good choices raising our very disturbed "normal" little Strong Willed boy. That's the kind of miracle I can believe in. This book was God-sent, and from my post here you can get the idea that I'm not prone to religious hyperbole.

Overall, this book was helpful to me as a mother. As a first time mom, with a young and very strong willed out of control daughter I was unsure about punishment/discipline. I watched "the nanny" on tv frequently and other shows with parenting advice, read some other books, searched online, etc.. Some books had some wacky ides that just seemed to make things worse and other books had decent information. Being a teacher, I see how poorly children can behave and that is the last thing I want for my child. What I liked the most out of this book was the advice on spanking. I like how it was explained. It's not appropriate for all children or ages. After reading this book, I stopped telling my husband we couldn't spank her because it was going to promote hitting, wasn't the socially acceptable thing to do, etc...etc... Time out was a huge waste of time for us. Once she realized we could enforce the rules with more consequences than the 3rd step (time out spot) her behavior has drastically improved. Both in preschool, swim lessons, home, at the grocery store....the list goes on. It's not ok for children to terrorize your home (or schools for that matter) and parents need to stand up to their children. Dr. Dobson believes in discipline and I commend him for that.

Wished I had read this 30 years ago. Wish my sibling would too

Well, This book was written for my 5 year old daughter!! Just about every page is a sample of what I go through with her. It is welcoming to read that other parent's are going through what I am experiencing but even more so are the suggestions and methods that DO ACTUALLY WORK to help me calm my daughter and get her more focused....ALL WITHOUT MOMMY SCREAMING HER HEAD OFF OUT OF FRUSTRATION! Yes there are suggestions for spankings...NOT BEATINGS and they are carefully planned for very special behavioral issues. If you are not wanting to make spanking part of your parenting, you would still benefit from this book tremendously. It's not just about spanking. And there is a lot of references to the Bible and God's teachings to help parents understand our role as parents...To be loving and show love to our children. To guide them through this life and teach them behaviors that they will need to conquer and survive in this world. A great point Dr Dobson makes is that Strong Willed Children usually grow up to be strong willed adults.....but when nurtured properly, we can help them control their behaviors without breaking their spirits. I love this book and I recommend it to every parent struggling with a strong willed child. Methods I am using from Dr Dobson's teachings are working very well so far. I am not so frustrated and I can calmly give choices to my daughter that make her think and realize that Mommy means business! Also this book is easy to read, comical at times. I hate to put the book down!

I haven't read "Dare to Discipline" yet but have read "The Strong Willed Child." Contrary to what some people wrote, he DOES say that anyone with a tendency toward, enjoyment in, or fear of abusive situations should NOT use corporal punishment. He also says that spanking should only be used in serious instances and that it should ONLY be done with a controlled temper and an explaination of why they were being punished, after being forewarned that the action was not allowed and that the punishment was coming. As far as the mention of "squeezing" the trapeezius, it was mentioned not to be used as a form of punishment in itself and not to be done in anger, but as a method of getting the attention of the child/adolescent that is disobeying. It is terrible that some people feel that they went through such an aweful childhood because of Dr. Dobson's views, but it truely sounds to me like your parents twisted Dr. Dobson's well-intentioned advice to support their own cruel tendencies. As a mother, I would NEVER think it was ok to drag my child around or hurt him, but as the mother of a VERY strong-willed child (I mean NOTHING phases him when he's having a tantrum) I agree with Dr. Dobson's findings. "Redirecting" works with my sweet little nieces, who aim to please and don't like people to be upset with them. My little boy simply doesn't care if I'm upset, or tell him no, put him in time out, or even yell, or slap his hand. If he wants something (or doesn't) he is determined to get it (or avoid it) no matter what it takes or what punishment ensues. This does not mean I would EVER abuse him, but when he is determined to open the hot oven and goes back over and over again, a smack to the tush is about the only thing that can get his attention, and I know it isn't truly harming him, because after about a 30 second cry, he's up so something else

Love, love, love this book. I have a 3 yr old son (my strong willed one) and a 1 yr old daughter (learning quickly from big brother). The first part, which I really enjoyed, was stories from other mothers of strong willed children. This was the biggest relief knowing that others have been in your position and that it really is just the personality of my bright, independent little man- not ADD, sensory problems or most of all the feeling that you must have been doing something very wrong from day one. Dr Dobson really lays out how to handle things, especially from a Christian family point of view. Even if you aren't Christian the basic morals/values can be derived from his teachings. I just finished the spanking section of the book- from what I've heard the most controversial one- and I must say THANK YOU to Dr Dobson. For so long I thought that spankings meant nothing to my child and they simply left me guilt ridden at the end of the day. I even went through a phase of no spankings allowed, going completely against how I was raised of course. After reading the punishment chapter I actually realized that I was going about warnings, consequences and spankings so very wrong. My discipline was simply not effective and not because I didn't do it enough or hard enough or whatever critics think Dobson is advocating. He makes so many good points about this form of punishment and I really encourage every mother to approach it with an open mind and you'll be surprised. You'll be even more pleasantly surprised when you give your system a good overhaul and it WORKS!! Rarely do I carry the guilt anymore and my son and I spend so much more time having fun together instead of battling all day long until it ends in tears (mostly from me!).